honest math about your life
no compound interest fantasies. no "just invest $500/month" pep talks. just division, subtraction, and the occasional existential crisis.
LIVE
When Will I Be a Millionaire?
Your savings ÷ one million. The honest answer to a question you probably shouldn't ask.
LIVE
Your Life in Weekends
How many Saturdays you have left. Spoiler: fewer than you think. Way fewer.
LIVE
Is It Worth Your Time?
Your real hourly rate. Including commute, anxiety, and getting dressed. It's less than you think.
GAME
Survive to Retirement
Dodge bills, collect bonuses, reach age 67 without going broke. An 8-bit game about your financial life.
QUIZ
Are You Doing OK?
10 questions tailored to your generation. Gen Z, Millennial, Gen X, or Boomer. One honest score.
RELAX
Relax with the Universe
Don't like your results? A 2-minute journey through the cosmos. Your problems are real. The universe is larger.
DREAMS CRUSHED
loading existential data...
WHAT IS THIS?
depressing calculators is a collection of free online tools that do simple math about your life. then present the results with uncomfortable honesty. no compound interest fantasies. no "just invest $500/month and you'll be rich" pep talks. just division, subtraction, and the occasional existential crisis.
we built this because every financial calculator on the internet lies to you with optimistic projections. we thought you deserved the baseline truth. you're welcome. sorry.
every calculator is free, works on any device, and requires zero signup. your data stays in your browser. we don't store anything. we can barely store our own emotions.